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Joke of the Day

"An old Jewish man asked me for directions. I didn't really care where he was going, so I told him it was straight on until the third reich."

"Just saw a poor girl crying in the library, devastated about something. So I pulled up a chair, leaned in and told her, ""You can shut up or go outside, I've got an exam tomorrow""."

"I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building... Friendship."

"Why do hipsters only use the microwave? Because they don't like conventional ovens."

"Forgive me, for I have sinned. Same time tomorrow?"

"So I was at Legoland the other day and I saw a couple making out I thought it was inappropiate so walked up to them and said ""Come on guys, this is Legoland. Build a room."""

"You always split up amicably if you date a mathematician. Because they always break up with respect to ex."

"What's the difference between Eric cartman and deez nuts? One is a dick from Southpark, the other parks south of my dick"

"I want to marry a girl named Jane So that when our kids act out, I can just say it runs in the janepool."

"A friend from New Zealand asked me to put a wedge of lime in his cocktail. He took a sip and said ""Thank you, I couldn't have made it bitter myself!"""