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Joke of the Day

"My wife is upset we can't afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving"

"What drink did Hitler absolutely hate the taste of? Juice."

"Tweets My Dad Shits."

"No Sopa... Radio?"

"My magic watch say's you don't have any underwear on... Oh, you do?... It must be 15 minutes fast."

"COP: ""Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"" ME: ""It was way easier than solving a murder?"""

"What did the woman say after 5 guys came on her for a porn video? Thank you all for coming!"

"God: Basically u just chill. Cow: Nice. God: I mean, at first. Cow: ...then? God: Then people murder u to eat ur insides & wear u as a coat."

"What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas? Cancer"

"""You fancy my best friend, don't you?"" asked my wife. ""If given the choice..."" I replied, ""I'd rather have sex with you then her."" ""You mean 'than'."" ""No."""