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Joke of the Day
"I want to hire a Chipotle employee to tuck me in at night."
Next Joke
"Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes."
"I should have gone to see the optometrist I can't anymore"
"How many shaves does it take to remove all a persons pubic hair? A brazillion!"
"Why was math so easy in ancient Rome? x always equals 10"
"Robin: Gee Bruce, how come you get to wear dark concealing colors and I have to wear bright Red, Yellow and Green? Batman: You're the decoy"
"My husband is doing that cute thing where he would happily drive into oncoming traffic & kill us all while trying to find a bug on his leg."
"I just referred to tongs as 'food tweezers' in case you want to be in awe of my command of the English language."
"Obama The Dark Knight (2008) The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Congratulations, Barack Obama."
"I know blood in horror movies is just corn syrup, but it's still terrifying because at this point, that's basically all my blood is"