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Joke of the Day

"I know blood in horror movies is just corn syrup, but it's still terrifying because at this point, that's basically all my blood is"

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"In light of MLK day... African american culture has fought so hard not to have to sit at the back of the bus. But they still do anyway."
"What do you do when a gay man is choking? Take your dick out of his mouth. im sorry"
"How are teenaged boys like the enzyme helicase? They both want to unzip your genes! credit goes to Hank from CrashCourse on Youtube :)"
"Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring... Wedding ring... Suffering!!!"
"Did you hear the guy who wrote the Friends theme song committed suicide? No one told him life was gonna be this way."
"Sometimes... You just gotta treat life like a bad lay... Make funny faces and pretend you're having a good time."
"What's Whitney Houston's favourite type of co-ordination? HAND-EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"
"What do you call a stuck up slut? Cuntseeded"
"I left my job today. I couldn't work for that man anymore after what he said to me... ""You're fired!"""