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Joke of the Day

"-I got you a birthday present... ...but I can't give it to you until tomorrow. -What is it? -It rhymes with 'Something to get drunk with'."

"Give a man a fish... ...and feed him for a day. Give a man to a fish, and feed it for like months."

"What's the difference between Ann Coulter and shooting arrows at lovers? Shooting arrows at lovers is a Cupid stunt."

"I tried suing Amtrak for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case."

"Why did the man use deodorant to fix a broken window? He read that it was an invisible solid."

"I can't remember this joke. This joke had a sadist, masochis, murderer, rapist, and some other guys all talking about what they were going to do to a cat. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?"

"My iPhone is currently updating so I have to tweet from my computer like some Ethiopian kid."

"Me on the Phone: I'm going to ""work"" from home today. My Boss: I heard those air quotes."

"I walk around with a hockey bag filled with dildos & chihuahua's just in case Paris Hilton fires her assistant and is looking for a new one."

"Are you on a date with me or with your phone? Just make sure that phone pays your share of this bill by the end of the night."