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Joke of the Day

"My grandparents worked hard to make sure their kids had everything and I'm working hard and not having kids to make sure I keep everything."

"Whenever I hear an uninteresting 80 year old woman tell an uninteresting story I think, ""Wow, you must have been really hot."""

"What do you call a short Mexican? A paragraph"

"What bounces and makes kids cry? My donation cheque to ""Children in Need""."

"How does one become an Astronaut? Dip your anus in nutella. Hahahahaha :')"

"What's worse than stubbing your toe? The Holocaust"

"Which weighs more, a tonne of feathers or a tonne of bricks? The tonne of feathers, because not only do you carry the feathers, you have to carry the burden of what you did to those poor birds."

"What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko"

"Judging by the quality of some of your tweets I can tell this isn't the first time you've failed in life."

"What did the bicycle call its dad? Pop-cycle"