189367

Joke of the Day

"Judging by the quality of some of your tweets I can tell this isn't the first time you've failed in life."

"I just invented a new catch phrase What's yer Rush Limbaugh? Get back to me immediately and tell me if you love it or just like it."

"Knock Knock Batman: Who's there? Alfred: Not your parents. :D"

"I have a clear conscience until a police car pulls behind me. Then I'm like ""OH GOD WHAT IF I MURDERED SOMEONE DID I MURDER SOMEONE"""

"Funny unknown historical fact: Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slides in the after life."

"What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin? A dick in your mouth."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean"

"*seductively boils hot dog* *suggestively unscrews ketchup bottle* *alluringly toasts bun* *erotically describes this in between asterisks*"

"Whats Black White and Red allover Detroit in winter"

"You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck."