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Joke of the Day

"My local supermarket is selling Star Wars-themed cereal... They really are trying to milk the franchise for all its worth."

"Doctor: Sir, I have two bad news for you The first is that you have 48 hours before you die -And the second one? :'( I should have told you yesterday"

"Things I'm doing today * going to the gym * having sex * lying"

"Why did the rock band get in serious treble? They failed on a consistent bassist."

"Me: doctor doctor I cant stop fucking farting... Doctor: *runs out the room comes back with a ten foot pole*Me: OMG!!!!!!! what are you gonna do with that??? Doctor: OPEN UP A FEW FUCKING WINDOWS"

"My vocabulary is so poor... I can not express it in words."

"When writing a resume, it's much more valuable to say you are an expert at ""replicate and repurpose functionality"" than ""copy and paste."""

"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye 'maighty"

"I met a girl with 12 nipples It sounds funny Dozen tit"

"I was skeptical Apple was using child labor until my iPod arrived and engraved on it was, ""Help! So hungry! Send Lunchables!"""