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Joke of the Day

"Me: doctor doctor I cant stop fucking farting... Doctor: *runs out the room comes back with a ten foot pole*Me: OMG!!!!!!! what are you gonna do with that??? Doctor: OPEN UP A FEW FUCKING WINDOWS"

"Picture me eating dinner. Wrong! Louder. Drunker. Even more backup dancers."

"My teacher yelled at me for saying ""black paint."" Apparently, in Spanish class we're supposed to say ""pintura negra."""

"How many Estonians you need to build a house in Finland ? Who knows, there is no tax record of it."

"Can I get some of you to sign my Medium open letter ""Hello rude teens, I don't know what memes are but stop doing memes at me!!!""?"

"Corn Give a white man an ear of corn, he eats for a day Teach a white man to grow corn, he steals all your land"

"Why no, stranger, I CAN'T believe how early it gets dark now despite the fact this phenomena has occurred every single year of my existence."

"People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why."

"One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there's never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle."

"A guy walks into a bar.... ouch"