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Joke of the Day

"*Spends 30 min practicing Starbucks order in mirror* *Feels confident* *""Hi I'd like a grander ahoy Ralph Macchioatto lateenbay""* *dammit*"

"What do they eat instead of ""pigs in a blanket"" in McKinney, TX? Pork in a roll. (At least I'm trying)"

"- The DC Cinematic Universe"

"Why can't Harry Potter distinguish between his best friend and his pot in potions class? They're both cauldron"

"My naked wife fell on the floor as she was climbing into bed. 5 second rule?"

"What did the the black boy get for Christmas? Your Bike..."

"I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them."

"I've been dating this really sweet homeless guy. I think it's getting serious. He's asked me to move out with him."

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter. Mom's kind of a slut."

"What do Donald trump and the Internet have in common? They're two of the worlds most powerful tools."