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Joke of the Day
"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter. Mom's kind of a slut."
Next Joke
"First time I saw a dry erase board I said thats ""remarkable"""
"*stares off into the distance* Distance: I have a boyfriend"
"""omg you're covered in blood! are you ok?"" [cut to me blending a tomato but I cant get the lid on properly] you should see the other guy"
"What did Dorothy do to the mean Asian Munchkin? She swallowed the yellow prick's load."
"What did the sociopathic cannibal parachutist say? As soon as the people carrying soup cans in the backpacks arrive we can eat."
"Q. Why do men die before their wives? A. They want to."
"Peter Parker's at a party He's offered a blunt. ""No,"" He says looking out the window at the skyline. ""That's not the Mary Jane I need."""
"It's weird how many of my ancestors were sepia-toned."
"What's long, stiff and full of se(a)men? Maddie McCan"