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Joke of the Day

"Pretending you're dead to avoid conversation in the hospital is the worst way to learn how a defibrillator works."

"Airport bathrooms are home to the loudest, angriest, most unapologetic farts known to man."

"Everytime I see my see my neighbors having sex in their hot tub, I think to myself ""I can't believe I'm recording this"""

"Why was Thor unable to get any sleep? He Was Up All Night to Get Loki"

"Microsoft will start making ... vacuum cleaners. It will be the only thing they make that doesn't suck."

"My 8yo knows exactly how many hours are left until Christmas but can't remember to flush the toilet."

"If you make a new sex position, do you get to name it? If so, I'll call it The Laptop. Internet required, partner is not."

"*requests to be buried in jaws of T-Rex skeleton so it looks like I went out fighting*"

"Q: I'm hungry. A: Nice to meet you, Hungry!"