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Joke of the Day
"Anybody want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's cheesy."
Next Joke
"How do you tell when a girl really wants you? When you put your hand down her pants you think you're feeding a horse."
"Do you know what Taylor Swift's belly button looks like? A Blank Space"
"""Jesus loves you"" ... has a whole new meaning when you're in a Tijuana prison."
"*calls 911* Hey, I found some big guns. *Cops surround the house. I come outside flexing and get shot 263 times.*"
"I like to make things awkward on first dates just by shouting ""wrong hole!!"" at inappropriate times, like when you're eating."
"Told my kid that he had a viral infection and now he's excited because he thinks he's going to be famous online."
"I remember the difference between vertical and horizontal because vertical gives you vertigo and horizontal because whores get laid."
"Everyone gets on the fashion industry for unrealistic beauty standards, but can we talk about unrealistic depictions of food on boxes?"
"What do you call it when a man is given an order to take another man out lunch? A MANDATE *snicker*"