50806

Joke of the Day

"*comes home from work *wife jumps in my arms *sees I'm crying wife: Why are you crying? me: You just crushed all the Oreo's in my fanny pack"

"I had to take my son's dirty diaper off today. I don't know why I was wearing it in the first place."

"What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny."

"How many members of a particular ethnic minority does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Enough to reinforce my negative stereotype about them."

"Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards? They like the part where the hooker gives the money back."

"In Ancient Days, Newscasters Kept You Updated On The Latest News Happening Flat The World."

"I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?...my apocolypse plans depend on it....thanks!"

"Why did Mr. T reject Socialism? Because he stumbled across a quote by Karl Marx which said: ""All you have to lose is your chains."""

"EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY! ""What's that?"" It...it's a sawed-off shotgun. ""Aren't you supposed to use the other half?"" ...shit."

"This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first."