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Joke of the Day

"*comes home from work *wife jumps in my arms *sees I'm crying wife: Why are you crying? me: You just crushed all the Oreo's in my fanny pack"

"When I'm in the bathroom a long time, I come out sniffing & wiping my nose so people think I was doing coke and not making a doody"

"I just gave a woman $700 to put her screaming baby in the overhead compartment on this plane."

"What are Holocaust Deniers celebrating timorrow? The Fourth of Jew Lie!!!!"

"Well, today I realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob, I think I've learned all that is possible for my brain to hold...."

"A magician's wife gives birth to a long series of brightly colored scarves"

"A recent worldwide survey showed... A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 7,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number."

"I fucked an Asian in an elevator. It was Wong on so many levels."

"We now have tortilla chips shaped as functional shovels to minimize calories burned when scooping junk into our mouths. Your move, diabetes"

"I asked a beautiful Chinese girl for her number. She replied, ""Sex sex sex free sex tonight"". I said, ""Wow"". Then her friend speaks: ""She means 6663629""."