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Joke of the Day

"People who believe in aliens are such freaking idiots. I'll tweet more about it when I get back from my Bigfoot hunt tonight."

"Did you hear the one... about the blind prostitute? You really had to hand it to her."

"I can explain a paradox They sit right next to each other in the water"

"A dyslexic optometrist diagnosed a patient with stigmata."

"Just lost my mood ring... not sure how I feel about that."

"What's better than eating a mandarin? Eating Amanda out."

"I've tried everywhere so I can confirm that there is no snooze button on a baby."

"Guide to DIY: 1. Double the cost estimate. 2. Double the time it should take. 3. Live with it for 3 months 4. Hire someone to fix it."

"Did you hear about the useful kid who jerks off too much? He cums in handy"

"TIFU by climbing into a German U-Boat Whoops. Wrong sub."