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Joke of the Day

"I can explain a paradox They sit right next to each other in the water"

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"""My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."""
"The songs that make me feel coolest when I'm driving fast are generally the songs that make me feel dumbest at stop lights."
"A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it."
"How come the steel clad soldiers from the Ming Dynasty lost to the Knights of Eastern Europe? They had a chink in their armor."
"I started a band called 999 megabytes 6 months ago. We still haven't got a single gig."
"Knock! Knock! Who's there? I eat map. I eat map who? *My job here is done!*"
"Masturbation is great. - I know that from first hand experience."
"The 2016 election What a joke, am I right?"
"Why Ireland so rich? Because its capital is always Dublin."