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Joke of the Day
"If you don't order beef for dinner... That's a missed steak."
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"If Sesame Street were real, and I went there, and I saw those things, I would shit my pants."
"Men 1845: I just killed a buffalo. Men 1952: I just fixed the roof. Men 2016: I just shaved my legs."
"I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib"
"Q: What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him? A: Get bent!"
"Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means ""Doing the Facebook"". Her daily posts are much more entertaining now."
"My daughter asked me to help her find a job because she's learned enough in school. She's 5."
"One man's internet wife is another man's internet husband."
"I can tell a dude is gay by what kind of music he is playing when I walk in on him banging another dude."
"How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He didn't wrap his Whopper"