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Joke of the Day

"In my defense, my response to her inquiry as to how my day was going was ""I'm less stabby than normal"" not ""Please tell me about your cat."""

"SPOILER ALERT: In the book ""What to Expect When You're Expecting,"" it's a baby. You're expecting a baby."

"What is a necrophiliac's safe word? I'm alive."

"Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks."

"Did you hear about the overly-eager bread dough? In the morning he was always the first one to rise. He didn't want to be a loaf."

"Hotel guest to desk clerk: ""I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."" Desk clerk: ""No, it's regular porn you sick fuck."""

"Sex with my ex was like Disneyland. I'd have to wait in line for an hour and a half and when it was finally my turn I wasn't big enough to get on the ride."

"Do you like discounts? Don't worry at my house, my pants are 100% off"

"Why does Santa Claus have a such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year."

"What's Hitler's favourite sausage? Frankfuhrers."