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Joke of the Day

"I ask WebMD to diagnose the weird brown mole I just noticed. ""1. Is it delicious?"" ...Yes? ""2. Were you eating Easter candy in bed?"" ...Oh."

"my wife said ive got a drink problem over the holidays........ .........yes you're right , ive only got one mouth. badum tsss."

"Just saw a Fiat 500 smash into a Smart Car on I-95. Cutest. Thing. Ever."

"You hang Up. ""No you hang Up."" No YOU hang Up. ""No YOU hang Up."" - couple fighting while hanging Pixar movie posters"

"It sucks that bowtie pasta is the only edible formal wear my grocery store carries."

"What did the comedian say before he hung himself? ""Sorry for being a noose-ance."""

"If I had all the money in the world to do whatever I wanted I'd be the next US president"

"[couple who talks via walkie talkie] GIRL: [into walkie] this relationship is over, over GUY: *cries into walkie* it's roger isn't it?? over"

"It's easier to get away with stealing someone's stroller if you're dressed as a jogger."

"Why was the blind guy always so happy? He couldn't see any reason not to be!"