94608

Joke of the Day

"When does a lawyer make coffee? When he has sufficient grounds"

"You would think that if you pulled a snail's shell off, then it would be able to move faster. I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish."

"You haven't Instagramed what you had for dinner yet? Please hurry up, the suspense is killing me."

"Q: Why is a room full of married people empty? A: There isn't a single person in it."

"What's a calender's favorite fruit? Dates."

"How's it like living in a totalitarian regime? Can't complain."

"Just found out that Norway has the highest cost of living in Europe... There's Norway I could A-Fjord to live there."

"Who called it Osteoporosis and not Epic Frail?"

"[Sees cute barista] I'll have a quickie. Barista: Sir, it's called an espresso."

"You guys hear about the guy who was addicted to rohypnol (Roofies)? He'd been on 'em longer than he could remember..."