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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a Jewish girls number? you ask her to roll her sleeves up."

"Whenever I see an adorable service dog and I know I can't pet it, the greatest internal struggle of my life begins anew"

"What's the difference between a group of crafty midgets and a jogging club comprised exclusively of women? The former is a band of cunning runts..."

"I was going to consider brief units of time but now I'm having second thoughts."

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance We'll see about that."

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

"I went into hospital for keyhole surgery. I woke up with lock-jaw. The nurses are still looking into it."

"I'm thinking about getting a dog from Asia. Instead of eating your homework, they actually do it for you."

"What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him? Get bent!"

"Officer: You drinking? Me: You buying? Oh how we laughed and laughed.... PS: I need bail money."