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Joke of the Day

"Dead Baby Joke Whats the difference between a rock and a dead baby? You Can't fuck a rock"

"Why can Warren Buffet pull great stock tips out of his ass? He has a tickertapeworm!"

"Whats the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause."

"I'll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I'll be over there for you."

"What do you call fish that taste two times as salty? 2Na"

"Why do straight white girls always hang out in odd numbers? Because they literally can't even Like. Omg."

"Dear parents who line up 45 minutes early in the school pick-up line, I don't understand."

"Woke up early this morning to try to catch the fog. I Mist."

"Me: check out this new gadget. It carbonates anything! Friend: cool Me: yeah even blood Friend: um I gotta go Me: lol no you're staying"

"My boss is so nit picky that he's not even a micro manager... ...he's a quantum manager."