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Joke of the Day

"Woke up early this morning to try to catch the fog. I Mist."

"Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?"

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you."

"My friend told me if im upset about something i should sleep on it... I told him to give it a rest."

"Triscuits are a good snack if you've already eaten all the other snacks in your house and the boxes they came in and your own hands"

"A mexican fixed my deck today... I guess you can call it Manuel labor."

"How many Mexicans do you need working in the kitchen? Just Juan."

"I went skiing yesterday. I didn't really enjoy it. I got to the top of the chairlift, but it was all downhill from there."

"The only thing I've ever made from scratch was dandruff."

"As I get closer to 30 I start to worry about more big picture things like famine and over population in my apartment"