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Joke of the Day

"im an exhausting person to be around but once you get to knnow me im actually a giant shithead with irredeemable mouth"

"Which kind of sharply dressed, tiny dwarves make the best drummers? metro gnomes"

"I've just used glitter spray paint in a confined space, and now I'm on another planet busting disco moves with an intoxicated pixie."

"The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game; I'll play mine."

"What's the second hardest thing in the morning? Getting out of the bed!"

"Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was *in tents.*"

"What do cow pastures smell like? Dairy air"

"When I was young I would go and throw rocks at the man doing Taekwondo in the park I would always get a huge kick out of it"

"Why is the next Windows version 10 and not 9? Because 7 ate(8) 9!"

"[100 year old man on job interview] ""Do you have any references?"" Sure, hold on. *pulls out Ouija board*"