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Joke of the Day

"What did Mr. T say when he saw a fat woman sitting at the bar? ""I pity the stool."""

"Only a few of you have figured out that in every tweet I've ever written I've been subtweeting Pitbull."

"Just found a hilarious message in a bottle on the beach. I decided it needed to be RT'd, so I threw it back in."

"What do airlines and prostitutes have in common? You pay them and get fucked"

"Why did the chicken dance with a fig? It couldn't get a date."

"You should all be proud if me, guys. I got a designated driver for tonight. He's my nephew, and he's six, but he's drank way less than me."

"Why don't plumbers ride bikes? Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 always follows 6!"

"[Job Interview] Boss: What is your best trait? Me: Procrastination. B: How is that a positive? M: I'll give you my reasons. Later."

"A girl's best asset is her lie' ability"