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Joke of the Day

"What did Mr. T say when he saw a fat woman sitting at the bar? ""I pity the stool."""

"Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night."

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending."

"What was the top item on Hitler's grocery list? Concentrated Juice."

"911 OPERATOR (female): What's your emergency GUY (being murdered): Haha nothing what are you up to"

"What is a duck's favorite drug? Quack. Girlfriend came up with it. It was so bad it was good."

"If Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius have taught us anything, it's don't trust athletes with missing body parts"

"A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. ""Her star sign was cancer you know"" he says. "" I guess it's ironic..."" ""That she was killed by a giant crab."""

"Forget waterboarding. You want confessions? Lock the guy in a room with a laptop, a Twitter account and a bottle of whiskey."

"If I was Baltimore's head coach I'd probably just say ""That's so Ravens"" after every play."