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Joke of the Day
"911 OPERATOR (female): What's your emergency GUY (being murdered): Haha nothing what are you up to"
Next Joke
"What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's been knifed"
"Why don't SJW's like guns? They can't handle the trigger!"
"Im opening up a tattoo shop just for blind people. I wont really tattoo them. Ill just stab'em with a needle taped to a vibrator for an hour"
"Him: *hands me glass of clear liquid* Is this glass half full or half empty? Me: Is that water or vodka? Him: Vodka. Me: Empty."
"""No way."" -Jose"
"There's nothing wrong with being a self-made man... Unless you have an Oedipus complex and a time machine."
"Why can't you tell jokes to a Nympho? Because they'll take them too hard."
"Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't."
"What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'? They are both santa clauses."