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Joke of the Day

"If Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius have taught us anything, it's don't trust athletes with missing body parts"

"Where does the vampire sail? In the bloodstream."

"What do you call a white supremacist who fights aliens at night? A white power ranger"

"After thinking about how bad the average person is at math I've realized that about 75% of people are worse."

"Just had a food baby, but I'm not ready for that type of responsibility so I flushed it"

"What did the shooting range instructor say to the guy in a wheelchair? Parachute"

"A nigger a spic and an arab walk into a bar. The arab blows them all up."

"Apparently Mr. Neeson's ""particular set of skills"" is terrible at keeping his family from getting kidnapped."

"I hate when I drop my chili cheese dog in my car and then I have to eat my whole car."

"Her:""Let's make a baby."" Him: ""Okay! Hold on."" *goes to bathroom* [5 minutes later.] Her: ""Where'd you go?"" Him: ""You meant with you??"""