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Joke of the Day

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. One, but the light bulb has to really want to change."

"6am: Too tired 8am: This isn't so bad 1pm: OMG so tired 5pm: zombie 8pm: Dead 10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS"

"Nietzsche tells a joke. A man walks into a bar. The man sees himself sitting at a booth in the bar. The bar blinks out of existence. God is dead."

"Careful...I've already had our entire fight in my head and it doesn't end well for you."

"What's faster than a black man with your TV? His son with your DVD player! I mean no racism in this joke*"

"[interview] BOSS: So you have zero experience? ME: Hire me & I'll give u a sweet nickname B: That's absurd.. ME: Lazerwolf B: Welcome aboard"

"At this point, History Channel, you might as well just take that final step and change your name to Speculation Television."

"Her: I'll sleep with you when pigs fly Me: points to police helicopter*"

"[Job Interview] *okay, he can't find out I'm a wolf* *fixes tie* *checks breath* IS THAT A PICTURE OF YOUR BABY SHE LOOKS DELICIOUS"

"A guy walks into a bar. A guy walks into a bar with a block of asphalt under his arm, he says to the bartender ""I'll have two beers, one for me and one for the road"""