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Joke of the Day

"[DATE] ME: I'm a literature buff HER: who do you read? ME: read? *cut to me bench pressing like 70 copies of The Great Gatsby*"

"What did the Elephant say to the naked man? That's cute but can you breath through it?"

"Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones"

"The clock is ticking... 9:09 9:10 George Bush 9:12"

"I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I'm still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it."

"Internet is filled with girls crying over Zayn leaving 1D. Never knew there were so many girls in the world until yesterday."

"I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na.."

"What's your least favorite race? I personally can't stand 5K's"

"If I ever start a customer service company, I'm going to name it 'Hold Please'."

"How do you say 'The Torah' in German? Kindling."