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Joke of the Day

"Heroin is like a baby.. ..it feels so amazing to have in your arms."

"What's the difference between 9/11 and a computer? I give a shit when my computer crashes"

"I used to work in an eastern european fraud office. I had to check czech cheques."

"Last night, during sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move... She was like, ""What the hell are you doing!?"" And I was like, ""Hush baby, I saw this on PornHub....it's called 'buffering'."""

"What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen? Rats!"

"Why does Beyonce sing ""To the left, to the left?"" Because black people have no rights"

"Why do blondes have more fun? They're easier to find in the dark."

"Apparently ""cheesecake & tacos"" wasn't the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are."

"Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account? Because he only had 12 followers."

"My son has stolen my iPad to play minecraft. Please retweet this so the notifications disrupt his playing."