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Joke of the Day

"Having identical twins is great because if you misplace one you have a second copy."

"In an interview: ""How good are you with Microsoft PowerPoint?"" ""I Excel at it."" ""Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun, sir?"" ""Word."" Edit: thanks u/Steve_Jobs_iGhost"

"Girls, your friends lied when they said chopping your hair off looked cute. They are just happy that their man wont want to bang you"

"I'm not racist... I have a color TV!"

"*flips over table* *table flips back up* Table: You got a problem? Me: DO YOU? Table: ... Me: HUH? Table: ... Me: I SAID DO WE HA- Table: No"

"It's not right to make fun of the French It's not like theey can defend themselves anyway."

"What's invisible and smells like cough drops? Koala farts"

"I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm."

"Why did George Lucas Cross The Road? To urinate on my childhood and sell it back to be on blu-ray for $80."

"I win all of my breakups by not getting fat."