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Joke of the Day

"(CPR class) Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt? Me to instructor: See what I'm up against?"

Next Joke
 
"To convince my boss that I'm keeping busy, I periodically yell ""YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?"" into my phone, then slam down the receiver."
"Allergy alert: This tweet may contain peanuts."
"I have used contact lenses my whole life... I can apply them with my eyes closed."
"They changed something in the matrix... and now all the eigenvalues are wrong."
"Facebook: I'm happy! Instagram: I'm pretty! Vine: I'm artsy! Pinterest: I'm crafty! Twitter: I'm lying everywhere but here."
"If I could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive... ...I would choose alive. -B.J. Novak-"
"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb 2, but don't ask me how they got in there."
"The sun is so self centered... It acts like the world revolves around it."
"Why are Taylor Swift's songs always a hit? (WARNING POKEMON JOKE) Because swift never misses."
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