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Joke of the Day

"I have used contact lenses my whole life... I can apply them with my eyes closed."

"Know how being wanted feels like? Just imagine how oil fields like"

"The band 1024 Megabytes is coming to town. It's their first gig."

"The ""L"" in Samuel L. Jackson stands for ""Motherfucker""."

"God, grant me serenity to accept that people are ignorant, courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile & wisdom to realize murder is illegal."

"Crowded elevators smell different to midgets."

"What four letter word has made the biggest impact in the modern world? Send."

"What's the difference between a camera and a foot? A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)"

"I FEEL SO ALIVE MCDONALD'S IS GIVING AWAY FREE COFFEE I PASSED 20 MCDONALD'S TODAY DO THE MATH TOO LATE I DID THE MATH SLEEP IS FOR MORTALS"