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Joke of the Day

"Volunteer me to do something without checking with me first so I know whose mailbox to leave the dead squirrel in."

"Another blonde joke A professor told his class: ""Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"" A blonde asked, ""Who is 'Seed'?"""

"Why did Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box. Badum tiss."

"Her: I like your facial hair Me: I like YOUR facial hair (FLIRTING IS HARD)"

"Did you know there is one colour that can time travel? It can only go to the fuchsia."

"[engineer looking at blueprints] ""Well, here's your problem right here. You built this thing on rock and roll."""

"WIFE: Your heavy drinking is making you delusional ME: *turns to friend* Do you think that's true? WOLVERINE: Nah, don't listen to her"

"What does Gordon program in? FLASH... AAAHHHHHHHH. Its the language of the universe..."

"Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house."

"I don't sign anything without pretending to read it first."