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Joke of the Day

"What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window? Kurt and Rod"

"I used to be a taxi driver. Do you know why I gave it up? I didn't like people talking behind my back!"

"[sketchy parking lot] stranger: hey man, can you jump my car? me: maybe if i get a running start"

"Instead of yelling, I just say ""Caps Lock"" and then speak at a normal volume."

"I'd brag about my pride... But I'd be lion."

"An Eskimo was driving through new Zealand His car suddenly broke down after a small wait the mechanic told him ""aw shut bro you've blown a seal"" to which the Eskimo replies ""shut up you fuck sheep"""

"What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say? That's a salt!"

"Roses are red, violets are blue I'm schizophrenic, and so am I"

"gonna give my zombie friend several different brains for his deathday. Took a while to get the shopping done. Finally got some presents of mind."

"I bought some dog scented cologne the other day... Now I get all the bitches."