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Joke of the Day

"The difference between oral and anal thermometers? The taste."

"People used to laugh at me when I would say ""I want to be an actor"" Now I'm the only one laughing"

"I just invented this new word! Plagiarism."

"I cant share a coke with my native american friend. You try finding a label that says ""little feather"""

"Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad."

"mom. Mom i'm going to get married. whom then. Jane form the next door. oho god.. you sure? where you going to live? Mom. Jane is Emo she doesnt want to live."

"""My girlfriend is a feminist"", I explained to my grandfather ""Well, heck son - nothing wrong with a feminine woman"" he replied."

"the guy at Subway just put Cheetos on my sandwich. can't tell if he's stoned, or he knows that I am"

"My parents always warned me about having sex before marriage... But somehow I'm in their wedding picture."

"When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all."