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Joke of the Day

"[wife walks in on me rubbing coconut oil all over my body] What are you doing? ""Uhh, SOMEONE said I don't glisten very well?"""

"Why did the muscle miss class? ...because it wasn't a-tendon!"

"My teacher told me that Japan had a homogeneous population. If Japan's so genius, how come they haven't figured out that the homo part's the cause of their declining birthrates?"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who?"

"Words can't describe how beautiful someone is... But numbers can. 4/10"

"Mr. Rogers misled kids by making them believe that running into people you know is good."

"Why is santa always so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live"

"American beer is like making love in a canoe it's fucking close to water *Monty Python, Live at the Hollywood Bowl*"

"Knock, knock. Go fuck yourselves. - The straight-laced and frustrated FBI agent, played by Tom Hanks', joke in the movie Catch Me If You Can."

"(I heard this one a while back, sorry) Why can't you use a the restroom at a Beatles reunion concert? Because there is no John."