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Joke of the Day

"Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails it'd be very difficult to aim."

"If I die, I'm gonna kill myself. I just couldn't live without me."

"Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped police custody? Be on the lookout for a small medium at large."

"What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop!"

"Being a Miami Heat fan is like high fiving Starbucks employees while the locally owned coffee shop across the street boards up its doors."

"Everybody should be free to vote in a general election. Everybody should be free to vote in the X factor. Nobody should be able to vote in both."

"I just bought some 300 noise cancelling headphones for my wife. But i can still hear her."

"Why was everyone afraid of the everything bagel? Because he looked pretty seedy!"

"How can you tell if a groom is Polish? He would be the one with the clean bowling shirt."

"A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub."