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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if a groom is Polish? He would be the one with the clean bowling shirt."

"Live today like it's your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't."

"Everybody had heard we were running out of space in the file cabinet, so they all rushed to get their documents put away. It was a self-fullfiling prophesy."

"I know blood in horror movies is just corn syrup, but it's still terrifying because at this point, that's basically all my blood is"

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's fuckin' worth it. A friend's divorce is being finalized today and he often says this."

"Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from."

"It's impossible to have an *ok* time on a trampoline. It's either the most fun you've ever had or you go to the hospital."

"Dog ate raw chicken so I called the vet to see what I could do He asked what I think they eat in the wild. Basically, he called me an idiot"

"Stupid Joke I'd like to name my kid buoyancy, but whatever floats your boat."

"My cat was looking for a place to sleep today, all she kneaded was my lap."