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Joke of the Day

"Not an Ostragoth Pun What do you call a Goth who has a great credit score? A Visa-Goth!"

"[reading Harry Potter] Me: Do you know what's going on? 3-year-old: He went to lizard school. I'd correct her, but her version is better."

"Her: You're a pathological liar! Me: ...and the King of Spain."

"just saw someone I love eat pizza with a fork & knife and this just really goes to show that people are monsters and you can't trust anyone"

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate the Pizza before it was cool."

"I used to have a real thing for posh spice.... It cost my mum a fortune in saffron."

"What was the name of the operation to catch Juaquin Guzman? El trapo."

"I think I saw Michael J Fox in a gardening centre earlier... It was hard to tell, he had his back to the Fuchsias."

"How do you make a tissue dance? You put a gun to it's head and tell it to."

"Why did the melons have a big wedding? Well, they cantaloupe"