4850

Joke of the Day

"So...Donald Trump was on The View today. I kept rewinding it and watching it trying to spot Elizabeth Hasselbeck's boner."

"""...any reason why these 2 should not be married, speak now or..."" They're engagement photo only got 21 likes on Facebook! *crowd GASPS*"

"I don't want to brag, but when I take my clothes off... the shower gets turned on."

"Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever."

"Putin and Medvedev go to a hooker. The hooker is sucking Putin off and Medvedev is fucking her from behind. Medvedev: Should we swap? Putin: Sure, you can swap."

"The worst thing about Hillary Clinton is she can't dicks out for Harambe even if she wanted to. Even Michelle can do that."

"Q: What do you call it when a book spies on people? A: A peeping tome."

"I tried ballet, but I never got the pointe."

"Why do people order espresso shots at Starbucks? Because it's black. Sorry."

"Doctor's Office Visit The doctor asked me how my bowel movements have been lately, I told him very dark. He asked me to describe so I said, ""every time i look into the bowl, it spells out 'DIE'"""