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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend was just about to eat my extra long sausage But then I caught the fat bitch"

"WIFE: what's going on? ME: [locking the door] I haven't had an apple in 3 days DOCTOR: [outside, stethoscope in hand] I can hear u breathing"

"[Kitchen] Me: I'm a were-state. When the moon is full I turn into a US state. Wife: No you don't the moon is full now. Me: *Illinois noises*"

"What's the best rock to sleep on? bed rock"

"Simba was moving too slowly So i told him to Mufasa"

"The good thing about women who like F1 is that they like men who finish fast"

"You know what people really do when no one's looking? Your mum."

"My friends pet mouse Elvis just died. He was caught in a trap."

"I got an invite to a wedding that said ""black tie only""... But when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos."

"I know the **BEST** way to get someone interested in something. Actually, never mind, maybe I shouldn't tell you."