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Joke of the Day

"Teach us About Absolute Zero! 0K!"

"What's pretty and expensive but has no use? Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar shelf."

"You're a Carrot I wish, I'd be easier on the eyes."

"Anytime I fly over the exact spot a time zone changes, I yell ""88 MILES PER HOUR!!!!"""

"HAHA! Answer your phone silly. I called you like 18 times. -I say as I climb through your window"

"What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? The wife always blows the bonus."

"I bought a racehorse today and I named him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, ""Come on My Face."""

"Do not underestimate me. 16 just dared me to eat the fish food. It's freeze-dried worms. Wasn't bad. I'm hungry."

"Retweeting a compliment is like getting a compliment from someone and then conference calling a bunch of people and telling them about it."

"Which chord is essential to every Christian song? Gsus"