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Joke of the Day

"HAHA! Answer your phone silly. I called you like 18 times. -I say as I climb through your window"

"What do colleges and penises have in common? They're both long and hard, unless you're Asian."

"Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien."

"I used to be into bestiality, sadism, and necrophilia... But eventually I realized I was beating a dead horse."

"A man was on an escalator.. When all of a sudden it went very fast. He arrived at the top, turned around and said.. ""well that escalated quickly""."

"The Boston Bruins had a good chance of beating the Leafs... ...but they totally bombed it."

"I knocked on my neighbour's door. I said, ""Can you keep it down a bit please?"" ""Why?"" he asked. I said, ""I just feel a bit uncomfortable talking to you when you are erect."""

"All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?"

"What is the difference between oral sex and anal sex? oral sex can make your day, but anal sex can make your hole weak"

"If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap."