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Joke of the Day

"Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up."

"My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me."

"How many black people does it take to start a riot? -1"

"Politics have really just become an emotional beauty pageant But you know... Women's Rights"

"My doctor said that she thinks I have irritable bowel syndrome. I'm not surprised, I irritate everyone else so it makes sense that my bowels would be sick of my shit."

"I turn hot dog water into ice cubes for house guests I don't like"

"What's with these people who take a sip of their coffee as soon as they get it? Who are these iron-mouthed warriors?"

"My attitude in exams, they give me questions I don't know, I give them answers they don't know.."

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers."

"Jesus can walk on water so Jesus may be able to walk on water but who cares! Stephen hawking's runs on battery's"