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Joke of the Day

"What do you get your girlfriend for Valentines Day? A box of chocolate, flowers and a dildo. So if she doesn't like the chocolate and flowers she can go fuck herself."

"hoarder on TV: pls help me doc therapist: of course. lets start by throwing out all these anime posters. we'll take them to my car"

"""That's Superman, that's Batman, and that's Cyborg. If you won't call them by their names, I can't play with you anymore."" - me to my 5yo."

"How do you know the toothbrush was invented in the South? Because if it were invented in the North, it'd be called the teethbrush!"

"If X-Men and Legend of Korra had a crossover what kind of bender would Magneto be? A Fassbender"

"Why did the girls in *Requiem for a Dream* go ass to ass? They were just trying to make ends meet."

"Want to know why? Or do you want to know z?"

"What did O say to Q? ""Hey man, your dick's hanging out."""

"What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon? They go on peck-nics !"

"""Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing green spots."" ""Have you seen an optometrist?"" ""No, just green spots."""