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Joke of the Day

"I bought a Christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself.I said, ""No, I'll probably put it in the living room."""

"What's THE dirtiest joke you know? Please make it extra dirty with a side of dirty."

"Why can't anybody satisfy a woman completely? Question: ""why can't anybody satisfy a woman completely?"" answer: ""because nobody has a dick made of gold, decorated with diamonds and ejaculates cash"""

"The life of a penis is a sad one.... His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him."

"I asked the local prostitute if she could do something kinky so she put a set of jumper cables up my ass... Don't get me wrong, I liked it, but I couldn't believe how much she charged me!"

"How do you know that Hogwarts is feminist friendly? The entrance is a dumbledore."

"*Spends 30 min practicing Starbucks order in mirror* *Feels confident* *""Hi I'd like a grander ahoy Ralph Macchioatto lateenbay""* *dammit*"

"I don't chase guys unless I have my inhaler with me."

"Jimmy Savile was once captured by the Scooby-Doo gang He would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for meddlin' those kids!"

"My new breast reduction clinic is called ... Tits for tats."