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Joke of the Day

"Check for bed bugs by yelling ""Gee, I'm so happy there are no bed bugs here!"", and if you hear faint giggling, set the bed on fire."

"Just came across a very strange porn site....took me ages to clean it off my screen"

"Spoiler Alert: Ladies ,if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear it has a Camera in it."

"HER: You've run over my dog ME: I'm so sorry HER: You're gonna have to replace him ME: [imagines finally being called a good boy] yes please"

"What do you get when you mix a public speaker with someone who had tourettes? A clock! One provides the tic, the other provides the talk Credit to my Autistic Big Bro"

"So I shot my first turkey for thanksgiving today... It scared the hell out of the people in the frozen foods section though."

"A condom isn't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."

"How did the psychiatrist break his leg? He had a Freudian slip."

"Ghost me would do the same stuff as alive me. Howl. Wander. Stand in front of the fridge and stare at all the food I'm not allowed to eat."

"So hypothetically speaking, what do you think is the scariest mask they would let me wear in line at the bank?"