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Joke of the Day

"DOCTOR: a new study says the meds ur on cause hallucinations ME: oh LARGE MENACING CACTUS THAT FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE: was it peer reviewed?"

"Loooooser I am A Looser. Really You are?"

"What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving? 1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise"

"What's a terrible plate pun? dish one."

"Give a man a cow, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to cow, and you've probably invented some crazy new dance called the cow'."

"Well excuse me all to hell. I thought you'd be flattered with a mosaic of pictures of you at the gym. No, you don't need to call the police."

"""Everyone has at least one novel inside them"" Baffled airport security rectal examiner at the end of a long, confusing shift"

"Say one positive thing about your opponent Well...he does convert oxygen into carbon dioxide which helps trees grow."

"Jesus walks into a hotel He throws a bag of nails on the counter and says: ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won't do as she is told."