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Joke of the Day

"Does the 5-second rule still apply in the Men's bathroom at Target? I'm pretty commited to this pretzel, if it matters."

"I told my girlfriend she should work at UPS She's good at handling packages"

"-Can you describe the jellyfish that stung you? -Yes, it looked like a lazy toddler tried to draw an octopus."

"So many people want to hit me for my jokes, they have to stand in a punch line."

"apparently my psychiatrist doesn't appreciate that i call her my new drug dealer"

"I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough"

"Everybody who has played Russian Roulette will tell you it's safe. Well, at least 5/6 people will."

"Spelling Errors? I don't do that typo thing."

"Put the punchline in the title How do you ruin a joke?"

"I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk, we go to parties."